So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
