finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
