That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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