when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
