I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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