apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we made out on top of his cat.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
