this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
