What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
