Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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