Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize