Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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