i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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