Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The uberlube is also flammable
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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