That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We got so high we made milksteak
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
