i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
