So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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