I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
