I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
