What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
