so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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