I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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