i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
