Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize