I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
