I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
