I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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