tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As shirtless as possible
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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