I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
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Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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