Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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