i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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