Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Randomize
