He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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