Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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