Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
