Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
