I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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