she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
