I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
