How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
