My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
