I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
