Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
