Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
