My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize