i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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