I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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