It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
