Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Less talking, more tequila
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
