when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
