Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
