I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
