I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
