Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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