who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
