I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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