I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
