apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
