Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
