walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She even gives head with a lisp.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?