she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.