This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants