I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I DEMAND FORESKIN
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
