i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
